What is connection? According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary the first definition of connection is:
1: the act of connecting : the state of being connected: such as
a: causal or logical relation or sequence
b (1): contextual relation or association
(2): relationship in fact
c: a relation of personal intimacy (as of family ties)
d: coherence, continuity
So according to 1a connection is the causal or logical relation or sequence of things, kind of an if, then relationship. What we “do” has an effect on anything that comes after the “doing.” This definition is putting the responsibility directly on our shoulders…makes sense as life really is a bunch of actions that we do on a daily basis which have consequences, like today if I brush my teeth, they will stay cleaner and tomorrow my teeth will be whiter and I’ll be less likely to develop a cavity, whereas my inaction leads me to the opposite consequences. So, what we “don’t do” also has an effect on anything that comes after the “not doing.”
This definition can also be put more simply in that it is the connection between two ideas, not just an if, then situation, but rather a stringing together effect, which in and of itself still has some causal characteristics, I believe. It all depends on your perspective and how you like to view things.
Ok, so moving onto 1b(1), and this is where this connection thing can start to become more powerful…connection is a contextual relationship or association. A contextual relationship is one that is not a part of a primary support system, but rather a relationship that exists for a purpose within a period of time. According to Gary Kozick, who wrote an article on what contextual relationships have to do with aging, “a contextual relationship is two individuals have something in common while developing a meaningful relationship. Their relationship exists in a context of time, setting, and purpose. It involves one person needing help and depending upon the other person to provide that help. There is a desired outcome or goal. The contextual relationship may exist during shorter or longer periods of time, but it is not a permanent relationship. While it lasts the relationship is powerful because the interactions have a transforming effect. One person benefits from the other, and in that context, someone feels supported, something is accomplished, someone’s grateful, and then life moves forward along the continuum of time.” I don’t know about you, but when I read this it makes feel all warm and fuzzy inside…it also give me that feeling I get when I watch the Olympics and see people reaching their goals and shining like bright stars in the sky…it gives me the feelings I get when I see on the news, a group of random drivers stopping their cars and jumping out to rescue a man out of a burning car…it’s about people coming together to help each other, in recognizing the light we all have within us, and yes, it’s about connection. Connections that allow our humanity to shine forth, that create wonderful, brilliant and amazing consequences…something we all want to be a part of! I apologize if I seem over dramatic about it at this point, I just get all riled up (in a good way ;-)), but let’s move on…
1b(2), A relationship in fact is the experience of connecting with another being that we make over time. And I say “being” because I believe this includes connections to animals as well. In this connection, it’s the ties and bonds that we make that can change and increase over time. You can imagine that with time there is great potential for these connections to be more secure as if held together by a strong glue, the stuff that creates strength, stability, cohesion and resilience. Again, another beautiful and powerful definition.
1c, Connection is a relationship of personal intimacy (as of family ties). Well, this one really does speak for itself. You wouldn’t know who you are if you didn’t have a connection to another living being. This goes of course for the other previous connections, as in a contextual relationship or a relationship in fact, but with a relationship of personal intimacy it goes much deeper. It’s when we make that intimate personal connection with another human being that we can see ourselves. This connection goes beyond powerful, but to a state of absolute necessity. I think the lack of this particular connection is responsible for a lot of the lack of humanity and compassion that we have in this world. We need to be able to be open and honest and through an intimate relationship we feel the safety and security of being able to do so, not just to shine our own light forward but to be able to see that light in others. Unfortunately, there are many souls in this world that did not have that type of connection at the most formative times in their lives, during childhood. Some were lucky enough, and/or determined enough to find those connections in adulthood, but that doesn’t mean they were unaffected by the lack of it in those early years. But as part of our humanity, we must make those connections, so if we didn’t find it early on, we strive, maybe even harder to find it throughout the rest of our lives.
1d, Last but not least, let’s define connection as a coherence or continuity. It is this connection that shines light on the existence of humanity, the flow of the universe. We are a part of our ancestors, and our children continue our legacy, or if we don’t have children the stories are passed on to those that we love who continue to pass it on after we’re gone. These connections go on and on and on and when they can no longer be sustained, they lead the way for the consequences they created…and we come back to definition 1a, that causal or logical relation or sequence…if, then…cause and effect...accordingly, the circle of life.
So, with that we have a decision to make on how we choose to see things, realizing that our perspective effects our actions, and our actions have consequences. How do the connections we make, the actions we take, the relationships we develop, effect not only ourselves but those around us? This is the question. And the goal is that in finding these connections we bring back more compassion and humanity.
As children we don’t always have the ability to change our reality, we’re dealt the cards and if we don’t get a great hand, we have to figure out a way, as we become more mature, to swap those cards out. But what happens when society changes and somehow those very important connections that we once had change as well? Hence the lead in for the next section…
Social Media, Pros & Cons…
Okay, let’s start with the cons…
Lack of face-to-face connections: Did you ever think about how much easier it is to flip someone the finger when you’re driving in your car? How there’s no holding back when you tell them to go F*@k off through a closed window? Imagine doing that as you walk down your street, and you pass a person that really pissed you off…maybe they tossed an empty can of soda on the ground, or they let their dog poop all over the sidewalk and didn’t clean it up…would you approach them the same way? Okay, well maybe some of you would…but there’s a lot of you, I think a lot more of you that wouldn’t in a face-to-face situation. When we don’t literally look into someone’s eyes it’s so much easier to be angry at them. I think firstly because it gives us more courage when we know they can’t harm us back in a physical way, but also because we can’t see who they are, we can’t see what’s in their eyes, the eyes that may show they’re going through something or that they’re in some kind of pain. We can’t see their story if we can’t see their eyes. If we could look into their eyes, we may see a glimpse of something, and we’d approach them in a much more compassionate and empathetic way. And so this idea doesn’t just go for the “in the car vs. the street” scenario, but it’s the same idea when we’re on our devices, or social media, when we’re texting, or on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok, we loose that face-to-face and if prompted or instigated in anyway we’re much more likely to be mean or angry because we’re reacting to something without fully understanding, because of that lack of face-to-face and being able to look into someone’s eyes. A phone call might be seen as somewhere in the middle since voice can develop a sense of connection to the human you’re communicating with…not the same as face-to-face, but definitely an improvement.
Another Con for social media would be that, because it’s more convenient to communicate to others as we don’t have to leave our house, heck we don’t have to leave our couch, or double heck, we don’t have to leave our beds; and because it’s more convenient, we’re less likely to plan those face-to-face meetings. At least I know it’s true for the younger generation, for sure the Gen Z-ers. What have they lost because of this? Slower development of social maturity for sure, and maybe a harder time being a teenager because as we’ve already discussed, you get to know who you are by the relationships that you’re in. It's already hard enough for teenagers coming into themselves, but when they’re looking to social media and the internet to figure that out…God help us. Okay so it’s not a total bomb, because at least they still have their personal intimacy-family relationships (hopefully), but their lacking in the relationship in fact (connecting with another being over time). It’s not that they’re not getting some of that in school potentially, they just don’t make that connection as much on a personal level as some of the older generations, and I can see the effect that it has…not all of it is bad though and we’ll talk about that in just a minute, when we get to the pros.
So, we’ve talked about the lack of emotional connection but let’s add to the cons, addiction, isolation, mental health, misinformation and the potential for a distorted view of reality, among others I'm sure.
Well, that’s quite a bundle.
Ok, now let’s get to the pros…
For one, social media and the internet has enabled reconnections of lost relationships from days long ago. Before we had Facebook, we never imagined that we’d be reconnected with our childhood friends that we hadn’t seen since we were 7 years old (love this song by the way, by Lukas Graham), or relatives that we never knew we had that live hundreds and thousand of miles away. And we haven’t just made these re-kindled connections, but we’ve made new connections with people from all over the world! People have found love and their soul mates, sometimes on the other side of the world, where before social media, the fishbowl was much smaller and the potential for finding a life-long partner less accessible.
To touch on another positive aspect that I alluded to previously, as teenagers go, I’ve noticed that while social media keeps them more at home and less connected on a physical level, they’ve found ways to connect with each other through things like Discord, where they still get the benefit of “hanging out” with their friends without being subject to the possible dangers and temptations out in the world. And I know we have to let them out to experience, grow and learn from life, but there’s no harm in keeping them innocent a little bit longer.
The connections that social media has brought us, one could argue, have been vast. Not only does it help maintain connections and relationships old and new, but it also can create a sense of belonging, somewhere to connect to like-minded people and if used correctly can be very motivating and healing when you connect with people that share similar experiences…in some ways it makes you feel like you’re not alone. It can definitely be a good source of information, but this is where the fine line comes in and the ability to walk a tightrope without falling into misinformation...it's the balancing act...hence...
With these pros and cons, like with most things in life, we have to look at the middle of the road, we have to look at ourselves and our own perspective on life because as I said at the beginning of this blog, it all depends on your perspective and how you like to view things. If you’re a positive person who promotes kindness, healing, compassion and love, that’s what you’ll get back on social media…and I mean that literally… if those are the video’s you “like” on TikTok, that’s what the algorithm sees and those are the kinds of videos that show up on your “For You” page. The other side of it however is very dangerous, but because I like to be a person with a positive perspective I want to move forward and say that we don’t have to let the cons of social media win. Not if we walk the middle of the road…not if we keep a positive, hopeful attitude…and not if we don’t allow it to take up all of our time and diminish our face-to-face connections. Because when we look into each other’s eyes, the windows to the soul, we can’t help to see the person in front of us, we can’t help to see ourselves. I have faith in humanity. I see what happens when we come together…we reach out our hands to help, no matter what our differences are…because we are all human and our natural instinct is to have empathy and compassion and to love each other.
So I’ll end this blog by saying, I think we need to reconnect to one another, to really see who’s before us, and if there ever comes a moment when you feel the need to say F*#k you to someone that looks different, or that thinks differently than you do, or just pisses you off for some reason, stop for a moment, look into their eyes and make that Human Connection…I dare you!
Well said
What an astute and beautiful piece <3 <3 <3!!!